FROM FIRED TO FREE
Seven years ago today, my life as I knew it changed forever.
At the time, I was at the peak of my financial services career, making more money than I ever imagined and on paper living the American Dream. Despite my outward success, I still struggled with debilitating anxiety and a gaping hole inside of me that brought on the question of why I still felt the exact same as I did before I had achieved success and acquired a host of material possessions. Instead of happiness, I was simmering with frustration and wondering what the point was of the last two decades that I had spent making money and garnering accolades.
It was a pivotal moment in my life and I decided to have a little chat with the man upstairs to first thank him for all of my blessings, but also share my frustrations. I had come to the simple realization that what I was doing now, was not what I was meant to do. I realized that I had a unique gift and a burning desire to share it with the world. I did not want to wait for even one more day as I was READY now.
If you have ever reached the boiling point, you will understand why my exact words to the man upstairs were, whatever has to happen to get me from where I am to where I am destined to go…BRING IT! BRING IT! Screaming those words from the top of my lungs tapped into an inner rage that I had not even known was there. It was a huge release from something heavy that I had been carrying for a long time.
Looking back, I realize I was a bit naive to think that it would be a peaceful and joyous journey to get to the “other side.” I thought I was ready and should have known that a major shift on the outside was to follow, for when we release from within, we release from without as well.
It was anything but. The journey that followed took me through some of my greatest fears, facing the darkest demons that lived in my own mind. My lack of awareness of what actually held me back was the very thing keeping me from self-actualizing and becoming my highest self, my Woman of Tomorrow.
The big outer shift happened on December 2nd, 2015, when I was called into my company’s corporate office. Facing me was the compliance manager, the head of HR, and my direct manager. The perfect storm began to unfold in front of me, and although I was present in that room physically, mentally however I was not there. I felt myself leave my body and went elsewhere, seeking shelter from what was to come.
I have replayed that meeting in my mind a hundred times, all with the same outcome. Why didn’t I have the courage to speak my truth? Why did I deny everything and completely shut down? Looking back, I now know that if I could do it again, I would have had the courage to face them and tell the truth about the driving force behind my thought process and lack of better judgment.
You’ve heard about coping mechanisms? Well, I now understand that shutting down and becoming paralyzed by fear had been programmed into me at a young age and embraced throughout my life. It never occurred to me that there was a different way to approach and cope when faced with challenges.
What followed was a tidal wave crashing down all around me. My job, my career, and my family’s livelihood were on the line. That day, for the first time in my life, I was fired and let go immediately. Never did I dream that as the family breadwinner (my husband had just started a business) we would end up selling everything we owned and move in with my parents to start anew.
For the first six months, I went into a complete shutdown mode, spending all my days on the couch while in complete denial and resisting surrendering into my “new” life.
I wanted my old life back. From morning until night, I stayed numb, spending my days crying and reflecting on where I got it wrong and how I ended up at rock bottom at age 41. I truly believed that the best of my days were behind me and that I would never be happy or successful again.
One day this all shifted for me and what helped me so much during that season was a movie called Finding Joy which explored the Hero’s Journey that each of us is called on throughout our lives. I saw successful and more importantly, happy people sharing their journey and how, just like me, they too had to hit rock bottom and spent time paralyzed on their couch for months at a time. Their stories not only gave me hope but more importantly, permission to surrender and be open to the journey. Something inside of me softened that day as I realized it wasn't my season to make money, it was my season to rest, heal and restore.
It was seven years of asking, learning, and even unlearning to get me to where I am today. As much as I did not see it at the time, I now understand that getting fired was the greatest
blessing in my life and exactly the hit I needed to be brought down to my knees and finally stop running from the demons that lived in my head. I needed this release of energy to make room for the very life that I desired.
As Joseph Campbell, American author, professor, and orator explained, “We must be willing to let go of the life we planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us.” My own Hero’s Journey allowed me to break free of everything that held me back and got in the way of me and the dreams that live in my heart. The journey also brought me to a new branch of knowledge that I had never learned in my corporate career or even in grad school. It was the missing piece I had been looking for, the missing piece that shifted everything in my career and my personal development.
I see now that the reason I never learned about this branch of knowledge and transformational tools is that this is the work that I came to share with the workplace, the very mission that I was chosen for.
Today, exactly seven years after the death of the old me, I begin a new chapter as I launch my speaking business and my mission to equip professionals with a transformational framework that will allow them too, to break free of yesterday and transform the workplace from the inside out.